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As a Republican, I’m Just Hoping the Abortion Ban Can Help Even Out this COVID Death Rate

Jen Freymond
4 min readNov 10, 2021

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Article for reference:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/08/briefing/covid-death-toll-red-america.html

I just saw a headline in the New York Times — don’t worry, I wasn’t reading it, I just glanced over the shoulder of the person in front of me in the security line — and that headline said something about how a lot of people who vote republican or live in red areas are dying of COVID. My mind is quicker than a well-digger’s ass, so I had an immediate silver lining reaction to this news:

Thank the good lord above for the abortion ban, and for me and my Republican colleagues for realizing just how necessary it was.

You may be thinking that I’m talking about helping build back the population with all those babies that will now be forced into existence, and while I do love a good fetus, no! I’m talking about the exact opposite. Every time we enact a strict law with regard to abortion and women’s health issues, women die. You with me so far? I’m wittier than a lead balloon and I’m walking kind of fast to catch this plane, so I’ll try not to leave you behind.

If your goal is to “save lives,” you’re missing the point. Answer me this: Who do most women vote for? I’m not talking about god-fearing

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Jen Freymond

Co-host of the podcast “I Never Saw That.” Humor writer and satirist. Find my work in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Little Old Lady, etc... Twitter: @jenfreymond