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Other Places Trump Supporters Have Been Protesting

There’s been a lot of coverage about the Trump “protestors” who showed up outside a building in Arizona and chanted “Count! The! Votes!” while inside the building, at that exact moment, votes were being counted. But not all of the protests have been well publicized.

Here are a few other places Trump supporters have gathered in solidarity to protest:

1. Olympia, WA: Denny’s.

The chant: Cook! The! Food!

Result: A Denny’s employee came out to inform them that they were, in fact, busily cooking the food. The crowd cheered, high-fived, and took credit for this. Then they enjoyed some Grand Slams.

2. Lexington, KY: Krogers.

The chant: Stock! The! Shelves!

Result: None.

3. Orlando, FL: Target

The chant: Sell! The! Stuff!

Result: Police were called to clear the crowd, but upon arriving they joined the protestors and tear-gassed several customers.

4. Sacramento, CA: Greyhound Station

The chant: Drive! The! Bus!

Result: Bus drivers continued to drive the buses.

5. Sandpoint, ID: Gas N Go

The chant: Gas! My! Truck!

Result: One protestor got so fired up, he literally fired up. He shot his gun into the air, but he was standing a little too close to the gas pump and the spark caused an explosion of him.

6. Boulder, CO: Coors Brewery

The chant: Beer! Yeah! Does!

Result: It seems that the protestors became confused at this particular event, quite possibly because before protesting, they decided to take the brewery tour and drank a lot of Coors.

7. North Pole: Santa’s Workshop

The chant: Give! Me! Toys!

Result: Santa himself strolled out into the snow and informed the group that they were all on the naughty list and would not be receiving any toys. He then asked to borrow one of the protestor’s Trump flags, stomped on it, and lit it on fire. This ended in the Trump supporters throwing a collective kicking and screaming tantrum as Santa, Mrs. Clause, and the elves sat by the fire drinking hot cocoa and laughing at the assholes outside.

8. Detroit, MI: Ballot counting center

The chant: Stop! The! Count!

Result: Protestors, for some reason, continued this chant outside the empty building. They did not seem to feel embarrassed by their (or Trump’s) hypocrisy, in spite of their obvious attempt to cheat by calling to stop the vote in Detroit but count all the votes in Arizona. Additionally, even if they had stopped the count when the protestors demanded them to do so, the state would have gone to Biden.

A pedestrian walked by, laughed, and told the group to “Go the fuck home, you absolute buffoons.”

Co-host of the podcast “I Never Saw That.” Humor writer and satirist. Find my work in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Little Old Lady, etc... Twitter: @jenfreymond

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