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There’s been a lot of coverage about the Trump “protestors” who showed up outside a building in Arizona and chanted “Count! The! Votes!” while inside the building, at that exact moment, votes were being counted. But not all of the protests have been well publicized.

Here are a few other places Trump supporters have gathered in solidarity to protest:

1. Olympia, WA: Denny’s.

The chant: Cook! The! Food!

Result: A Denny’s employee came out to inform them that they were, in fact, busily cooking the food. The crowd cheered, high-fived, and took credit for this. …


This canoe was a bad choice.

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Image by alondav on Pixabay

When I first heard the call to political boating, I figured we were going to storm the shores of DC, or fight proud boys with fists and fury… or at least have a kickass party in international waters, where I understand there are no laws. I may be in international waters currently, I have no way to tell because I have no fucking idea where I am.

I did think it was odd when everyone in my virtual political science class started chanting “Boat! Boat! Boat!” and in retrospect, it’s clear to me that they were saying “Vote.”

After class, I got ready for some nautical activism. I set out with my life jacket and paddles, and headed down to the marina. I was the first one there, and since I was going out to sea in a canoe, I decided to get a head start. Now I’m out here trying to catch fish with my bare hands and recycling my pee to make drinking water. …


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Photo from Flickr.com

Last week we found out that 545 children who were separated from their parents at the border have parents who cannot currently be found. I just spent a bunch of time writing a whole essay about the Trump administration’s policy of family separation at the border, how horrific and cruel it is, and all about how the U.S. has always been racist. But it all feels trite at this point. It’s nothing new. Mostly I just can’t stop thinking about those parents and children.

Parenthood, especially in the context of a pandemic, is an exhausting daily grind for many of us, and those of us who have neuro-divergent children (and/or are neuro-divergent ourselves) or children with other special needs are especially tired. I feel parenting guilt every single day. My kids spend too much time on screens, not enough time outside, I don’t spend enough quality time with them, I am too impatient, I yell too much. I long to hold them close and long to push them away. …


If a guy in a van stops you on the street and asks for your bones, SAY NO.

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It’s a bone-ified chin scratcher.

Get plenty of calcium. You can get calcium from leafy greens, chia seeds, and sidewalk rocks.

Load-bearing exercise. No one really knows what this means. Being a woman in this world is a pretty big load to bear, so maybe that will suffice. Or it could have something to do with bearing children, or loading Build-a-Bears into something. It’s probably the Build-a-Bear thing.

If a guy in a van stops you on the street and asks for your bones, SAY NO. …


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Photo by Peter Thody, from Harvard Law Review Blog

I started a new/old job recently. After leaving the classroom five years ago, I have returned to part-time teaching. I am a special education teacher, which means I generally serve the kids with the greatest needs. I also serve the kids who tend to be the most affected by systemic racism and oppression.

I didn’t want to go back to teaching, but I needed a job. I started my MSW a couple years ago but can’t bring myself to go back to school right now and rack up more debt while not making any money. So here we are.

Today was a race and equity “training.” I knew going into it that it would be a huge disappointment, but it was worse than I had imagined. Before the “training,” which I will from now on be referring to as a meeting because that’s all it was, we were assigned to watch a movie called Race and the Power of Illusion: The House We Live In. It’s an excellent, devastating, eye-opening film about systemic racism, much of it focused on housing discrimination. We were supposed to answer two questions before coming to the meeting. One was basically how did you feel watching the movie, and the other was what was life like for the people depicted in the film. I did not use question marks because those questions don’t deserve them. Those questions are bullshit. …


We are soooo in this together!

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Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash

TO: themominator79@mommymail.com

FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com

(Sometime during the interminable year of no one’s lord, 2020)

Hey friend,

It’s a weird and scary time, huh? I can barely get myself to do anything at all, especially when it comes to “homeschooling” the kids. I think I’m depressed.:(

Anyway, I would love to hear how you are!

I haven’t showered since Tuesday.

Stay safe,

jen

TO: jenfreymond@gmail.com

FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com

Hi Jen!

Great to hear from you! And hey, NO judgment! How are we expected to be productive right now?

I’ve hardly done anything for homeschooling this week either, just had the kids create an above ground garden and plant a bunch of vegetables and herbs. That’s what I’m calling “school” this week. …


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Image from Pixabay

I went to the doctor today for a leg injury. I hurt myself playing a Nintendo game. Yup! You read that right. I’m a 42-year-old woman who hurt the fuck out of her leg playing Nintendo. To be fair, the game is an exercise game. I was jogging in place when it happened. But regardless of how embarrassing the injury is, I went to the doctor because it’s been several days and it still hurts. He did some doctor stuff and said i had inflammation in a bunch of places and that the leg thing was probably a muscle spasm. …


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I sit here full of self-hatred and hating myself for being full of self-hatred.

How can I be this superficial?

I was raised to understand that a woman’s worth lies in her attractiveness above all else.

I hate myself for aging. How stupid is that? As if I should be punished for just not having died for 42 years.

Is a woman more valid and relevant if she dies when she is young and pretty? Everyone loves Marilyn Monroe, because she stayed pretty forever. The ideal woman in life and in death. Her life was tragic, but we remember her for her curves and that time air blew up her skirt. …


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Image from wallpaperflare.com

Last week I embarked on a true hero’s journey by watching all 23 Marvel movies in a matter of four days. That’s right. I sat on my ass and avoided almost all sunshine or interaction with other humans in order to complete this task. Hero!

Why did I do this? It started because of a trivia league, but became a deep and heartfelt commitment.

I decided these movies needed to have 1–3 haikus written about them.

Warning: There are spoilers in this beautiful and poignant poetry. And for clarification, I watched these in chronological order based on when they happened in the Marvel universe, so that’s the order in which they’re written. …


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Today is the 4th of July. I dread this day every year.

Of course there was a time when I could not wait for this holiday to arrive. As a kid, we would get together with friends, light off Roman Candles and those ones with the fountains of colorful sparks, and the boxes of tiny missiles that were completely unpredictable and often landed on a person’s skin, causing mild burns. Ah, the ’80s and ‘90s… I miss that carefree version of me, and yet I’m glad she’s gone. …

About

Jen Freymond

Co-host of the podcast “I Never Saw That.” Humor writer and satirist. Find my work in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Little Old Lady, etc... Twitter: @jenfreymond

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